Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
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