So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
