Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize
