I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
