Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
