marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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