i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
