Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
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