hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
