I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
