every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
