My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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