his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
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