Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I got chris browned last night
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
