i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
