You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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