I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
