Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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