And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
