??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
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