Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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