just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
