I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
