What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
