yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
