i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
