i was born a porn star she said
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
