It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
