He asked to "fluff my boner.."
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
