That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
i drank out of a bidet.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Randomize
