i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
