Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
How does it feel to date your dad?
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