And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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