If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
