if i died would you start the facebook group?
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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