Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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