now i know why i became what i already was.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
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