remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
it glows. i had to have it.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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