So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Is Oprah even human
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
