My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
