She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
