So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
