You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Randomize
