Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
