i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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