I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
