I didn't shave. On purpose
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
