she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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