ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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