The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
