remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Randomize
