There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
