genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
i need some magic done to my vagina
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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