broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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