so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
