i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
